Pop psychology gurus love to talk about toxicity. In particular, the danger that toxic people can cause, ranging from radioactive waste to small petrochemical spills. Their message is always the same: there are certain people who naturally produce toxins. There are many instructions to recognize these people, which help us escape from such negative influences. These materials present characteristics that serve as a series of evils in the most twisted form: intense vampirism and endless envy, subtle treachery and boundless arrogance, systematic indifference and the Machiavellianism of cynical. “Toxic” is held by partners, bosses, parents and so-called friends, their diagnosis is discovered by their victims themselves. Apparently, we can all fall prey to toxic people. Needless to say, we can all be called that.
But despite its popularity, poison has no scientific basis. The description of its characteristics is impossible, since it is not something that has been intensively researched. Its clarity is more akin to medieval witchcraft accusations than any serious study of human psychology and morality. Regardless: despite the lack of diagnostic awareness or fixed standards, warnings about toxic people have been spread by word of mouth to the point where they have become a public mantra.
Oriol Lugo, psychologist and author of psychology, says: Cut to the chase! (Cut it for your life!), a book in which he argues that toxic people do not exist. He goes on to examine what actually causes dangerous relationships, the existence of which he does not deny. Fabián Ortiz, a psychologist who works in the Barcelona office of the mental health association, Vida Plena, points out that, “we are sick and this is another sign that we throw away indiscriminately.” However, if one searches the term on the internet, such opposing views are drowned out by many others – many of them written by mental health professionals – expressing their belief in the fact that people poison live among us, that all of them are waiting. every corner to destroy our self-esteem and destroy our peace of mind.
Although it is difficult to say with any certainty when the phrase was first used, it seems that the symbol “poison” was invented by the US writer Lillian Glass, who published her book. Toxic People in 1995. His work became a global bestseller and word of mouth began to spread. On her website, Glass, who has no training in psychology, calls herself “the first lady of communication.” One of his books continues to find these threatening issues, and provides guidance on identifying emotional terrorists visually by analyzing body language. Elsewhere, some writers have made a name for themselves, such as Bernardo Stamatea of Spain. His wife Marian Rojas Estapé even coined a phrase against toxic people: “vitamin people.” “These are labels that work very well as a marketing strategy to sell books,” says Lugo.
According to Buenaventura del Charco, psychologist and author of the book It is full of positive thinking (respectfully translated as I have had it positive thinking), this type of discretionary writing responds to “the logical pattern of consumerism in personal relationships: that each gives or takes away, one type gives you good things and the other gives you bad things worse, the ones without the blue areas.” Apart from this being a simple Manichean approach, Del Charco sees calling someone poisonous as a sign of a moral force that “prevents self-criticism.” Lugo adds that “blaming others is very easy.” And Ortiz emphasizes the idea that relationships are part of human growth. “When I don’t like something about someone, I might wonder what’s going on with that person. “Maybe, that other person is asking me questions, and they don’t bother me,” Ortiz says.
Rather than helping us look inward, Ortiz continues, the metaphor of poison pushes us to attack or flee, rational actions in the face of perceived danger. There is no doubt that there are relationships – romantic and otherwise – that are so treacherous that the best course of action is to take a step back. But the psychologist warns that it is important not to “forget that the problem occurs in the relationship and is not caused by some part of the natural education that certain people have.” The endless variety of human interactions, conflicts and conflicts – not to mention the dangers and benefits that such encounters bring us – will be of an eternal nature. Del Charco says: “There will always be behavior that is harmful to one person and not to others.
Narcissism and other personality disorders
Toxic traits are often confused with symptoms of a real personality disorder. The two books, published by the Universities of Cambridge and Oxford, include in this category everything from strange ideas to unpopular methods, and historical fiction. Assuming these categories are correct, many descriptions of toxic people would indicate that they are pathological. But such an alarming analysis may fail to recognize the difference between mental illness and what is commonly called “anger.” Del Charco says that linking only visible “toxicity” to such diseases does not encourage people who consider themselves victims to “understand why other people behave in certain ways.” A toxic decision is almost defensive, moral: run away, save yourself!
Incorrigible narcissism is always in the image of the toxic person reinforced by internet professionals. Also – ironically – Ortiz sees the widespread use of the label as tending to focus only on one’s own needs and to sacrifice relationships and minor frustrations. “In order not to project ideas, in order not to insist that everything is someone else’s fault, I have to put the bullying aside and work on it,” she says. “Man, I’m responsible for my discomfort,” he says. Lugo notes that the labeling of toxic masses may be related to the symptoms of our infant society and the cultural pendulum display. “We are coming from a past where violence was normal, and now we are at another extreme, where everything can be offensive.”
When accusing fingers are pointed in all directions, Del Charco warns that the fear of social rejection can lead to “emotional pressure, pretending that we are better than we are so that others do not withdraw from us. ” On the other hand, he continues, fearing the destructive power of toxic people can lead to extreme feelings of weakness, “as if we were made of clay.” Del Charco suggests that trust is important when it comes to traveling through the world, especially when dealing with people we don’t always like – as well as protecting ourselves when the situation calls for it. “There are people who suffer or have suffered, but except in extreme cases, it is not such a big deal. We can tolerate it, we don’t need to eliminate them from our lives, but instead, we can learn to set limits when necessary.”
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